Thursday, September 28, 2006

Thunka, Thunka, Thunka...

I decided to replace the yucky gold cabinet knobs in our house today. I have decided to start "Project: Remove shiny gold stuff" in an attempt to ice the cake that is our house. So Munch is at the stage that any errand that takes longer than 14.6 seconds is a serious affront to his sensibilities. I bring toys and food in the hope of buying myself just enough time to make a split decision (do I want the plain knobs or the ones with a ridge around the edge?) and rush for the checkout line. While checking out, I notice that one of the inventory numbers is not like the others. For normal people, this is not a problem. One can simply excuse themselves from the line for a moment and collect the correct knob. With a toddler in tow, it is cause for serious alarm.

I must navigate the extra large Home Depot cart out of the aisle and back into the store, going against traffic. Removing the child from the cart is not an option, as the cart serves as a restraint system. Munch has already started to squack at this point. He throws his tractor emphatically out of the card and then pleads, "tackta, tackTAAA" until I retreive it for him. At which point he flings it to the ground again. Tractor removed from his reach, I rush back into the store ailes, hoping to make a round trip back to the checkout counter before Munch realizes that he can, if he really tries, climb through the belt and stand up in the cart.

I am Jack Bauer, and Munch is my ticking time bomb. Nobody else seems to notice this. I try to play off my distress, smile, and say "excuse me" to the nonchalant shoppers who park their carts diagonally accross aisles, or stand a full ten feet away from the good on the shelves to get a better view. I am really good most of the time at being polite even when I am near panic on the distress scale. Smile, say "excuse me," say "thank you."

Well, today I forgot the last part. An older man, standing calmly in the middle of the aile, reminded me of my omission by saying "your're welcome" as I passed by. While I am usually good at thanking bystanders, I will occasionally forget when I find the bystander to be particularly clueless and unaware of the impact of their own actions on the rest of the world. This was a borderline case, but I think it qualifies. I threw a "thank you!" over my shoulder none the less. But in my mind, I wondered how he could not see that I had a TICKING TIME BOMB! in my cart. Peace, justice, and national security were at stake - could he not see that??? Munch was almost out of snacks, for godssake!

I'll bet Jack Bauer doesn't even smile and say "excuse me" as he rushes to save the world.


Sunday, September 24, 2006


I am convinced that babies are born with the biological ability to recognize their mothers and Elmo.

My son has a very small musical toy with a miniscule red Elmo on it. That is all it took. He can recognize an 18 inch picture of the furry creature from 30 feet. Celebrations ensue.